LOOKING FOR A healthy CHANGE IN YOUR YOUTH SPORTS EXPERIENCE?

You could say I'm a volleyball coach and you'd be right. But I think what we do is so much more than teaching kids how to hit a leather ball over a net, or how to prevent it from touching the ground. To me, volleyball is simply the platform. I work with young people who are trying to figure out where their place is in the world. I work with people who have passions for things where their talents are not natural. I work with people who have experienced a lot of trauma at a time where the path forward is not always clear. I am lucky to be able to help guide many of these people through athletics. I empathized with my best teachers as they gave their best efforts to people who went out of their way to not give theirs. And in their defense, many of those kids attended those classes out of obligation. I chose sports because I wanted to have that impact those teachers had on me, but I also wanted to do it in areas where kids chose to be there. I have worked with some of the best athletes in my area. I have worked with athletes that have wanted to play at the collegiate/professional level. I have worked with athletes who loved the sport, but wanted it to be secondary to other areas of their lives. I have worked with athletes who simply loved playing games, and wanted an environment where they can improve their skills and have fun. I have worked with kids who are brand new to sports, are terrified of failure, and just need a space to learn how to move forward when they aren't where they want to be. I felt a large part of my success with my athletes comes from adapting my coaching to what each athlete needed. But I don't think that's commonplace in youth sports today, and I think it's something we need to talk about more. I am a part of some pretty large coaching groups, and I see incredibly detailed articles and debates about things like proper mechanics, drill-to-play ratio, statistics, and more. But when it comes to connecting to individuals and how they want to prioritize volleyball in their lives, I think there's room for a lot more discussion. A group of 12 year olds were really struggling in a passing drill. I'm not talking about bad passing, I'm talking cannot move their feet to get to the ball to even perform a bad pass. All I asked them to do was to try to make the play with no worries about the results, but it was clear it wasn't happening. So we sat in the sand and talked about it. When I asked them about what was holding them back, one spoke up: "You know Coach, I hear everything you're saying. But everywhere else I've played when I made mistakes, I was yelled at or punished - and the hard part was I was never told how to do it better." Think that type of coaching could make a kid "uncoachable?" Another practice, a kid who's usually a rockstar struggled with basic mechanics. Usually they are receptive to feedback, that day it was not happening. My knee-jerk internal reaction was to judge, but at the water break I pulled them to the side and asked if they were OK. And then the waterworks. Their friend had taken their life a couple days ago. They were processing that, as well as that they felt the school was more interested on covering it up instead of providing counsel to the kids. They mentioned how they had their own mental health issues and how this was affecting them. I can't imagine what they were feeling as they began practice. I was very close to missing my opportunity to connect with my athlete. At that moment, it was clear how important executing a good bump set wasn't . I asked if they wanted to continue to practice, they said yes. And the focus that day became about letting loose and having fun (and ironically, their technique seemed to get better immediately). They texted me when they got home, I continued to check in, and things seemed to improve from there. What would have happened if I yelled at them, punished them, put them on the sideline? Are there other kids carrying burdens I'm missing? As a whole, are we connecting with our kids beyond their ability to play a sport? Individual incidents aside, I think we're missing a big issue that's becoming more and more commonplace in youth sports. Everything is so specialized when it comes to training and competing, but the program-player connection seems anything but that. One of the things that shifting to beach vs. indoor allowed me to accomplish was offering high-level development while giving kids a little more flexibility. Because for those that want to play in college, yes, they may need a practice regimen that runs year-round (that doesn't mean playing 12 months of the year - it means recovering when you need to recover, it means lifting when you should be lifting, it means doing the things that will ultimately help a player reach their peak potential). But I have athletes that excel in other sports. I have athletes that play instruments really well, or are part of theatre/musicals. I have one athlete that participates in Model UN, I have others that do mission trips. My athletes are so much more than volleyball players. And it breaks my heart to see some of my hardest-working athletes feel stressed because they are well-rounded, but everything outside of our program makes them feel "If you aren't dedicating every moment to this sport, you don't want it bad enough/you're not doing enough." It concerns me when some of my high-performing kids are functioning on minimal sleep, already depending on caffeine, and dealing with overuse injuries from years of non-stop schedules that even pro athletes don't subscribe to. Do we not remember what our summers were like one generation ago? Nowadays it's nationals, tryouts, high school camp, summer league, beach training, college camps, and more. Summer break used to meant they take a break - now summer break could refer to July when 4-6 of my kids inevitably get injured because everyone is putting pressure on them/they're overdoing it. Don't do the high school programming? Risk getting cut. Don't do the club tryouts? We may not have a spot for you in November (which deserves its own post, because in our region July tryouts don't hold a spot as much as hold the families hostage if they don't like what their situation is come club season). Our kids deserve better. It should be so much more balanced. I am grateful to be able to sit with my athletes, ask them "What do you want volleyball to be in your life?", learn about all the things that make them who they are, and based on THEIR personalities, we make a plan of attack that makes sense to them. In July, athletes will be evaluated on how tall they are, how fast they move, and their ability to perform the skills. Often, they won't be asked about what they want to accomplish with volleyball, what they do outside of the sport, and if the program is a good fit for everything that makes them who they are. To coaches, I ask you to consider the full spectrum of your athletes when recruiting them to your program. To parents, I ask you to protect your kids from environments that provide for them solely on how they can contribute to a team's success. To players, I hope you take time to reflect and ask yourselves what YOU want, and have the courage to leave environments that are not aligned/compatible with those goals.

Let me tell you a story from my 20-year high school reunion - I promise it's relevant, I'll get right to the reason why as soon as I finish. I ran into a female classmate that I hadn't seen since we left. We had spent 12 years of schooling together, and she was the athlete of my class. She was good at every sport she played, was a hard worker, and incredibly nice to everyone on top of that. If you asked her, she would have told you I was more mathlete than athlete. 5'5", 95 pounds, size 12 shoe going into high school. People looked at me to help them with their upcoming quiz, not as a strong teammate on the field or court. Something we didn't realize was we had the same teacher as our coach at high school - they coached her in basketball and me in volleyball. And that night, we shared all the horror stories of how he treated us - the name-calling, bullying, destroying of our confidence even though years later we realized he had no background in either sport and had no validation in the things he made us feel about ourselves. Both of us walked away from youth sports feeling pretty down about ourselves. 18 months after graduating high school, and I got lucky enough to have volleyball come back into my life, along with a mentor that began to show me what I could be vs. what I wasn't. That translated into a collegiate playing career, coaching career, semi-pro beach career, with a peak of winning the Midwest Beach Championships 10 years after thinking I'd never play again. It's taken me to 39 states and twice across international lines. It introduced me to my soulmate and many of the people that will populate our wedding one day. And I almost missed out on all of it because I had a coach that didn't know what I needed. Sadly, I learned that the coach destroyed Erin's love for the game and she never played again. And she regained her confidence, is happily married with a beautiful family, and she's still a badass athlete, so she's doing OK. But I can't help but wonder how many youth sports athletes leave their sport feeling worse about who they are because of coaches like ours? I'm not telling you every coach is as toxic as ours. I am telling you the only requirement to be a club coach nowadays is to take a 3-hour certification that is mostly about liability. I'm telling you many programs will not be able to tell you who your coach will be not because they're "still figuring out who's coaching who", but because they're taking more checks than they have coaches. You'll see many of the programs that have been promoting their tryouts since May begin to talk about how they're looking for coaches in September-November. And to me, that is incredibly backwards - especially given what they're demanding you commit before high school tryouts take place. I know there are not many programs that can guarantee you what you're signing. I do believe most programs will take those same kids in November, and I believe if they don't, then you probably dodged a bullet, and that bullet comes in the form of a poor developmental experience. Youth sports is a 37 billion dollar a year and rising industry. Parents - you are not the customer, you are the product. And I say that simply because I see how many of you are sacrificing so much time and money, and how much of your kid's childhood is being spent in these gyms, and I believe if you're paying a premium price, you deserve a premium service. And so many of you are getting an experience much lesser than what's being advertised. If a program expects you to sign/do a down payment in July, they should be able to commit the quality of coach you'll receive. You should be able at minimum to narrow it down to 2-3 coaches, and they should be able to give you an overview of their background (Frankly, I think programs should be trying out for families vs. the other way around. In our program, families experience a one-time practice, parents watch, and if they like the quality of instruction, they're welcome to join our program. One of the many perks to beach doubles/not needing specific positional players). Too often we look at the success of the top teams of programs when discussing what makes a program "elite". Respectfully, I think that speaks more to a program's marketing/recruitment than their quality of instruction. An elite program is one that gives a similar opportunity for growth for their non 1's teams. I think of Strive in Maryland (A non-profit that has 3 coaches for each team! Special shout-out to Jenn and John), Gaston Galaxy in NC, Iowa Select in Iowa, The Edge and Aggression in Illinois, just to name a few. Tournaments shouldn't be the bar, but the measuring stick - and the focus shouldn't just be on fielding the best teams, it should be about developing the kids we have. Too many kids are leaving club with over-trained bodies, burnt out minds, and insecurity about their skills. This is your moment to demand more. Once that contract is signed/check clears, there's no turning back, so choose wisely! To conclude, I wish you luck this weekend as you look for a program. I hope you demand the same amount of commitment from your program that they're asking of you. I hope you have faith in the idea that you will not fall behind if you do not accept a contract in July because you cannot get transparency on what that contract provides. And I hope you settle for nothing less than a program that coaches for your kids, vs. your kids playing for them. There are always ways to stay in the sport outside the norm - sometimes, the best lesson youth sports teaches in 2024 is to take the road less traveled if the common path is not giving you the same opportunity as the peers you're trying to catch. Progression Volleyball runs 10-week sessions throughout the year / offers "Try-Us-Outs" for families that would like to evaluate our staff before making a commitment. We work with 11 and up athletes of all ages and levels. For those in the Chicagoland area, Fall Information can be found here and Winter Information can be found here .